Tuesday, April 12, 2011

In memory of Patrick....

This will be a difficult post to write...but one that is necessary. On April 1, 2011 I received a phone call from my sister-in-law Gina. She is married to my husband's twin brother Garry. My brain just wanted to register it as a sick April Fool's joke.... but it wasn't. My brother in law Patrick shot himself with a rifle in the chest. He had just turned 39 on March 5th. But you cannot judge him from this information alone. The Patrick we know and love would have never have done this. He would have never have left his 4 children behind...ages 14, 5, 3 and 1 years. In fact we are considering investigating some things further.

Patrick was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He believed strongly in God and taught Sunday school. Patrick had a hard life, but had thought he had found his true love after a failed first marriage. While I cannot post all the details....wife 2 was not who she seemed and literally broke his heart. I can not stress enough the Patrick we knew would have never have done this. We can't make sense of it all.
This is Patrick with his wife just this past July at my brother in law's birthday party.

This is his youngest son.

His middle child....

Jerry and Patrick...last picture taken together.

Garry, Patrick, Jerry....close as can be....


Hayley with her Uncle Pat



                            Dex is the boy Patrick has raised like his own, from his wife's first marriage.







Uncle Pat was very loved....by so many...

I can not even begin to understand this.... last week we spent the whole week with family and friends and made funeral arrangements, etc. Hundreds of people came to show their support and to say their final goodbyes. What are these children going to do with out their Dad? He is the one that cared for them all the time. She stated herself...."they loved him more than they loved her."

These are the moments I hate living so far away from family and friends. The moments I wish I could just pack everything up and move back. So many emotions and thoughts going through my head and heart this week. Trying to get back into some normalcy this week. It has been hard. We had little sleep last week and even now it's hard.

This pain is going to take awhile to heal.... a lot of reflection....praying...and hopefully one day peace.
Yes, life moves on for everyone after a tragedy....but to those at the heart of it...it stands still for awhile and it's hard to get back into the swing of things when your heart hurts and you face so much shock. There is also so much more involved then I can post about.

I can't thank all of you enough for your kind words, cards and emails. It has meant so much to me and my family. I will be catching up on my blog reading in the next few days, I need to try to get back into my routine. It's the moments of silence and down time that are the hardest. When I reflect upon so much.

R.I.P. Patrick....you have no idea how much you are missed and how much you were loved.

Blessings,
Jill

31 comments:

Mark said...

That is all to sad.
I feel badly for his family.
Your Friend, m.

Wendi said...

Oh Jill... I can't find the right words. Please know that I am thinking of all of you and praying that you all find peace.

~Niki~ said...

Tragic. How sad. :(
Poor family.
Sending up my prayers xoxo

Lindsay said...

So very sorry for your loss, warm thoughts and prayers your way.

LeAnn said...

I am very sorry for your loss.

A Primitive Homestead said...

Losing a loved one is never easy no matter the reason. No one can find the right words to make things better for those left behind. I pray the Lord will minister to you all & help your brocken hearts heal. May God touch your husbands in the days to come. Over time of reading your blog I have come to know you have a big open heart & lots of love for your family. Your caring for the family & wanting to be there for them even thow miles are between you all is a great showing of love & concern for them. Blessings!
Lara

Sheila said...

Jill,
I'm so very sorry. Y'all are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and each other.

Julie Harward said...

Oh my gosh, this is so sad. He does look like a great guy, I am so sorry for those left behind to figure it all out, it never can be figured out either. Sending my love and blessings for all of your hearts to be healed. He is in a place where her too will be able to understand all things.

Kerri said...

Jill,
I'm so sorry for your family's loss, a brother, a son, a father, a husband...I can't even imagine what you are all going through. Sending prayers your way.

claudia b said...

Jill, I am so sorry for this senseless tragedy. What a horrible loss. I am praying for you all.

~ Noelle said...

so sorry for your loss...

Jenny said...

Jill I am so sorry for you and your family. i hope that through time and reflection you can all heal. I cannot imagine your sadness, or his family's. So incredibly sorry. I am thinking of you.

kristi said...

My heart breaks for you all. I am so very sorry that this happened.

Adriane said...

I was just thinking about you yesterday, Jill. I am still praying for you and your husband...as well as your family.

What you said in a few of those paragraphs above are some of the same things I had said after Scott's death. But I can say that peace and comfort now fill my life. Praying for peace and comfort for you all.

Vic said...

i'm so sorry babe! you have no idea how bad i wish i could hug you:) i cannot begin to imagine what your family is going through but i know what it's like to lose a loved one and it's painful....if something don't seem right you need to investigate...i have awful feelings about my brothers death and it's horrible to feel this way...sleepless nights happen almost nine years later...so that pain will be there forever...and it will always seem like yesterday....God is good and we must trust in him! i'll be keeping y'all in thoughts and prayers...u know where to reach me if you need to chat deeper:) xo love

Sandra J said...

Jill - I just don't know what to say this is so sad. Please know that I am keeping you and your extended family in my heart and prayers.

Sandra

Patti said...

As you know, I can't see a single one of your photos, but I CAN read your beautiful, loving words. May God bless you and your family as you grieve this horrible loss.

Love,
Patti

McVal said...

Oh Sweetie! I am so sorry for your loss. He will definitely be missed.

SonyaAnn said...

I'm so sorry that I missed the "first" post about this.
I don't even know where to begin with this. I feel for his family, you, your husband. I just doesn't seem to make sense.
My love and prayers for some closure.

Victorian1885 said...

Hugs..

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

When I looked at every picture, what I saw were happy faces. I'm so very sorry that your family has had to say goodbye to someone so very precious to you all. I pray comfort for all of you. I'm sure the kids are missing their daddy like crazy!

Julie said...

I am sorry Jill for all that your families have to go through right now. Seasons and reasons and all of that makes no difference right now, right now is just the pain. I am sorry Jill. I do hope with some investigation there is some way to get closure on such a tragic ending.
I will pray and keep praying for you all. Blessings Jill.
P.S. Jill, just so you know, it happened here two years ago and I do understand, fully.

Kristina said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss!! Pknow that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time!!

Miller Moments said...

Jill, I'm so incredibly sorry. What a terrible tragedy. Praying for you all during such a difficult time.

Life In a Little House said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother in law I will continue to pray for you and your family as you go through this difficult time. Keep praying God has a way of bringing us peace and understanding when we do not think it is even possible for there to be any ~Love Heather

Heather M said...

Jill, I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. Looking at these pictures just breaks my heart. Your in my prayers. <3

Kim said...

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. It doesn't make sense. You are in my thoughts. Big Hugs!

Olives and Pickles said...

Jill,
I am very very sorry to hear this. I realy know what it means loss somebody who is part of your family that you truly love. We need to respect his decision,now the most important part is support his kids.
God be with him, and gives you patience to heal the terrible pain.
My thoughts with your family!
Patty

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I'm just so sorry for your loss. I especially can't imagine how your husband is feeling, being a twin myself. That would be horrible! I'm praying for all your broken hearts. May God sustain you as you grieve.

SonyaAnn said...

I just wanted to stop over and tell you that you weren't forgotten and that I hope that you find a way to have some joy on Easter.

A.Marie said...

Wow! I can't even begin to put into words how truly, truly sorry I am for all of you. My precious brother committed suicide in Aug. of 2001, and it is a pain that you never, ever recover from. Life gets a little easier to live, as time goes by, but it is a life that isn't as joyous to live, because of your loved one not being there.

We don't know what exactly happened or why it happened....it was finally ruled a suicide, but there are so many unanswered questions. We will just have to get our answers from God himself someday.

May God be with all of you and I am sending you a BIG ((((HUG)))))