Monday, August 7, 2017

Completely Broken And Devastated At The Unexpected,Sudden Death Of My Mom

Deep and utter sadness that cannot even be put into the right words... hardest post I've ever had to attempt to write.... thoughts all a scatter... emotions, raw, deep, angry, confused, hurt, lost.....
This post is a small part of a wonderful life with my mom... the most amazing mom who has ever lived.

My beautiful mom was taken from us so unexpectedly on July 29th, 2017 at 10:40 pm from a massive heart attack.

I can't believe I just wrote those words....

I can't believe my mom is gone....

And I hurt so bad....

This is my mom Eileen in her graduation photo.... a beautiful, amazing woman.


She married my dad when she was just 19 years old and they just celebrated 51 years of marriage this past May. I have always looked up to them as the perfect role models of what true, unconditional love is all about. They made it through everything....

Now trying to help my dad through learning to live without her when I can barely imagine the thought myself.



This was taken recently outside their new home in NC. They just moved here a month ago to be close to me and my family since we have always lived far apart. We had so many plans and were so excited. We already had shared dinners, the girls got to sleep over with them and we were starting to enjoy their new town with them. My mom was so happy to find this home, that she could get some of her independence back since she has been confined to a wheelchair the past couple years. This home has wide doorways, hallways and ramps that were there from the previous owners. It was just meant to be their home. I am angry.... hurt.... why would God take her after bringing her to a place she loved so much. I am beyond comprehension right now.... I hurt so bad....


Mom, I will truly have to write a book as there are so many thing I want to say. So many things to share with others about how wonderful you were and how very much I am missing you. You were always putting everyone else's needs before your own. You loved and lived every day to the fullest. You taught me the importance of family and how it matters above all else and you and dad both have made me a lover of nature from the day  I was born.


Your life has not been easy with so many health issues and surgeries and the loss of so many you loved, including my brother Blaine as an infant, yet you carried on for your family.... with an admirable grace and strength.....


Your wish was to have the granddaughters have a sleepover at your new home and my sister and my niece Neve were already planning to come on the Wednesday after you had passed.... of course they all came sooner.... we lost you....way too soon.... but to honor you we had the sleepover with the girls at your new house and they even managed a few giggles. We all looked through boxes of pictures and we cried and we shared our memories... we hurt mom... we miss you...we need you.... life is never going to be the same without you....


You were always my rock, there for me through everything. We were in contact every single day....
You were my best friend.... no one loves you like your mom does... I am so very lost without you....
This photo is just one of my many favorites of us together.... I'm broken mom... and not sure how to put the pieces back together..... Love you.....


                             Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran A beautiful song .........


                                                                           Heartbroken,
                                                                                    Jill

25 comments:

Sheila said...

Jill, I can't even imagine the pain you and your family are going through. I don't even know what to say except that I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I would have kept in better touch with you since your move here to North Carolina. I would have loved to have met your mother. She must have been an amazing lady to have raised such a loving and giving woman as you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,

Sheila

Barb said...

Dear Jill~

I'm so sorry, Jill. I know that there are no words that I could possibly say to make your heart stop hurting, or the tears from flowing, but just know that you and your sweet family will be in my prayers and my thoughts. You expressed yourself so beautifully in this post, and as sure as I am typing these words, I know that your beautiful mom is by your side.

Gentle hugs sweet friend,
Barb

Karen Ann said...

So sorry to hear of your devastating loss - Your description of your mother is beautiful - she lived her life full.

Billie Jo said...

Dearest Jill,
Nothing I could say could touch the raw pain in your soul right now.
So I just offer love, and prayers, and hope.
Please know I and many others are praying for you all.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

My deepest condolences, Jill, to you, your Dad, your family and to all who loved your Mom and will miss her.

Debby Ray said...

Jill, my heart is breaking for you as you are trying to take this all in. Like the others above have said, there aren't words to describe the sadness and grief you are feeling right now but please know that I am praying for the peace that passes all understanding, that only the Lord can provide, will flow over you. I am so very sorry and you and your family are in my prayers. ♥

Kay G. said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute to your mother. The fact that you can write like this when your heart is so full must be the most fitting compliment to your Mom. She and your Dad raised a strong woman!

cards4ubylouise and other treasures said...

Sorry to hear of your loss Jill. Moms always have a special place in our hearts. My mother has been gone since 2001 and there are still times I think, "wish I could talk to my mother" Least you know she is walking arm in arm with Jesus...what better place to be. Take care and take one day at a time. Know God will guide you through this time of sorrow.

Diana Kosmoski said...

Jill, What a beautiful tribute to your mom. She would be so very proud of you...that you honored her with words like this. Her spirit will infuse you with the strength to get through everything you need to get through. I hope the pain you feel today becomes more tolerable as each day goes by...until the ache you feel wraps you like a warm blessing from your mom.
It is perfectly okay to feel angry and wonder WHY...many of us have felt the same way--WHY...why bring us this far to let THIS or THAT happen? Your mom knows now---but we don't. She is on the other side beyond all pain and sorrow. She is happy and filled with light and love and will be waiting to greet you when it is your time to cross the great divide.

I would like to say that you are VERY lucky to have had a mom like that---one that you know loved you unconditionally. Not all of us were that lucky. That was a true blessing--but it makes loss that much harder.

Love to you- xo Diana

Amy at love made my home said...

So very sorry for your and your families loss Jill. It is so very sad indeed. Your Mom was obviously a great Mom and a great person and, as I said because I was reminded at my father in laws funeral, the way to keep someone with you and to keep them forever is to talk about them and carry them on with you in life. I am sure that you will do that and keep your Mom in your heart and in your thoughts and deeds and words too. Hugs and love to you xx

~ Noelle said...

Oh Jill,
I am so sorry for your loss. Death is NEVER easy, especially when it's so sudden. My heart breaks for you and your family. Just said a prayer for you all.
Sending love, hugs and prayers.

A Joyful Cottage said...

Jill, this is a beautiful tribute to your mom. Such a special woman as you had to be raised by a very special mom. I had never heard that song before now. It gave me a lump in my throat. God be with you as you grieve the loss of "an angel in the shape of your mom". Gentle Hugs.

Nonnie said...

What a special lady she must have been and I can see through your posts of your love for family, your husband and your daughters the love that you received from her. God bless you. This is heartbreaking to read, but so beautiful.

Dianna said...

Jill, this is such a beautiful tribute to your mom. I would have loved to have met her personally, but your words help me to know that she is was a wonderful, loving woman who loved her family dearly. I continue to pray for you and your family.

Katie Mansfield said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Julie said...

There is nothing I can say to ease your pain, to help with the loss, to make the missing better. All I can do it tell you I know what you are feeling and wish with all my being that I could fix it. I am so very, very sorry you losing your mama. I love the post you wrote, the love shines through all your tears...all my tears reading it. I will pray for you and your family and hope in time you find some peace.
Blessings my friend!

Beatrice Euphemie said...

Oh Jill, I am so very sorry to hear this! I wish that I could find some comforting words to help ease your grief. You wrote a loving and dear tribute to your beautiful Mother. I hope her loving example gives you strength and courage as you move forward knowing she will always be there in your hearts. I am sending prayers and my deepest condolences to you and your dear family at this difficult time. Hugs and blessings xo Karen

Wanda said...

Jill thank you for writing a most difficult post. The tribute to your sweet mom, and the pictures, tell such a loving story. I still remember the raw feeling in 1991 when my mom pass. Time helps, but the missing never goes away. I feel with you this morning, as I think of my own dear mom.

You will be there for your Dad, and that will also be a precious time of healing.

So very glad I got to meet you on the blog through Diana. My love and hugs and prayers reach across blogland to you, dear Jill.

Laura Lane said...

What a beautiful expression of your love, honor, and grief. May God bring you dear comfort. I am glad your father will be close to you in this difficult time. God bless you all.
Hug,
Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage

Kim said...

Jill, I am so very sorry to hear the news of your mom's passing. My heart just breaks for you. Thinking of you and sending prayers...

Red Rose Alley said...

Dear Jill, I am so very sorry about your mom's passing. This is a sweet tribute to your beloved mother. What a strong and gracious lady who was married for 51 years, that's truly special. I love the graduation picture of her. I'm thinking of you, Jill, and sending thoughts of comfort and love. Your dear mother raised such a wonderful daughter.

~Sheri

Melody A. said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. how wonderful you were such good friends as well as being mother and daughter. She sounds like she was a wonderful person with the wonderful post you have written. My sincerest condolences to your Father too, I am sure his heart is broken. Here is a writing group that helped me a great deal when my dearest died with the insurmountable grief I felt. www.refugeingrief.com it may help. Blessings to you and yours. From Iowa

ItsyBitsy Living said...

So sorry for your lose... i lost my mother nearly 25 years ago. The picture you posted of your mom..your oldest daughter looks alot like her. Remember all the good times and blessing you had to have such a great mom.

Little Penpen said...

I'm visiting your blog through Afternoon Coffee and Evening Tea. I am so very sorry for the unexpected loss of your mom. It is so hard and my heart is broken for you. My mom died two years ago after a brief illness and we moved back home to be closer to my dad. I'm so glad your dad is already nearby. I can truly say that my dad and I have bonded in such a way I never dreamed possible before my mom died. Whenever I would visit or call on the phone before she died, it was all about 'me and mama'. Now having this time to concentrate on Daddy has been amazingly wonderful. I have gotten to know a Dad that I never really knew before. I pray that you will find peace and that God will wrap his loving arms around your heart each day, as you try to find a new normal. I still have 'my days' , but the days are further apart now. Love on your daddy and cherish every moment. ((hugs)) to you all!

McVal said...

What a beautiful tribute to you mother. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. And from the first picture, I'm seeing so much YOU in that photo!